#SexWeek: Mind the Gap

Get RAMMED | Freelancer: Jon Russo | March 6, 2016

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Close your eyes. Imagine you’re a fly on the wall at Howl at the Moon on a chilly March night. Suddenly, you see, through one of your 4000 eyes, a guy (let’s call him Mitch) approach a girl (let’s call her Emily) at the bar with the intention of buying her a drink to chat her up. It’s reasonable to assume Mitch is romantically interested in Emily, as each drink most of us buy at Fordham puts us one degree closer to complete bank account liquidation.

 

Emily accepts the offer, not necessarily enticed by his looks, but slightly charmed by his confidence. In an hour or two, Anthony Howl makes the universally-dreaded last call. Finally, Mitch musters up the courage to ask his drinking partner to continue this conversation back at his dingy apartment on Bathgate. Truth be told, Emily just finished up a long week of midterms, and isn’t particularly intrigued with the prospect of bumping uglies with Mitch. She politely denies his offer, and Mitch gives an urbane head nod, realizing the only thing accompanying him home tonight is a chicken roll that will probably lead to even more regret than the $28 worth of Dirty Shirley’s he just splurged on.

 

It would be foolish to not acknowledge that this anecdote is reflective of an extremely marginal amount of encounters at Fordham. Things rarely play out that black and white, simply because we are human beings whose intentions are sometimes clouded by our boners and things of the like. Women may perceive implications that us men soooo did not intend. Men may decide at the most convenient of times to have selective hearing and mistake your “no” for a “no maybe yes”. Women may have a strictly I just want a free drink M.O. or may even just thrive off male attention. Men may outlandishly mistake this as interest. Sometimes women reluctantly consent. Sometimes men reluctantly consent. Both sexes willingly subject themselves to the off-chance that something they say, or even something they don’t say, may be misconstrued. We surrender to this communication gap every time we are not honest with ourselves, or honest with each other. This level playing field may be a new idea to some, but it should be the social paradigm.

This gender gap most certainly exists in too many facets of our lives, and therefore unlike your five page Texts & Contexts essay due on Monday, cannot be put off any longer. We need to diligently work together to achieve complete equality. With that in mind, resetting the standard of unnecessary sexual pressures between men and women will require a concentrated effort from both sides. What exactly does that entail?

Allow me.

Guys,

accepting and dealing with rejection is a life skill of optimal importance. If you’re down to play the courting game, you also have to be down to accept the fact that not every girl will be feeling you. Although each drink bought could very well be your last fiscally speaking, that purchase in no way guarantees you a ticket for two to pound town. Part of being honest with oneself is realizing that no matter how charming you think you are, no matter how many ab exercises you hit the previous day, some girls simply will not be wooed by your kind gestures. By the same token, every woman has their principles and may be interested in you for more than a night of what will more than likely be a night of mediocre, drunk, and unfulfilling sex.

Ladies,

as a guy, please listen to me when I say if I am clearly pursuing you and there is little to no interest on your end, TELL ME. The feeling of finding out from a friend or acquaintance that a girl only hooked up with you because she felt bad can be far more confidence-depleting than a straight up ‘no’. I hold myself to the standard of being honest with both my peers and more importantly myself.  Keeping the other party’s perspective and motivations in mind will only behoove us in the shift towards gender equality. Additionally, not every guy wants only to get in your pants and skate. While some men may very well be after that and that alone, saying every guy emphatically high fives after a one-night stand is as big of a blanket statement as saying no girl can enjoy a casual sexual encounter.

With all of that in mind, the aforementioned problem many of us face can possibly be alleviated by addressing a broader, overarching issue: the absolute ineptitude of college students to discuss sex comfortably. While it may be clichéd to go as far as to say ‘if you don’t use it, you lose it,’ our sexuality is so far engrained in our minds and society as a whole that its hard for many of us to keep it off the brain.

So why should we? A woman who ventures to M&G’s (II, that is) after a long night of tequila should feel safe to discuss any sexual activity of the night previous with the same ease that males are often perceived to. A woman’s stride home has been so deeply ingrained into our hook-up culture as something shameful. While this term “walk of shame” may have been coined in jest, a woman unknowingly resigns herself to the societal perception that safe, consensual, casual sex should yield regret, simply on principle. Why can’t two people who find each other attractive enjoy a night filled with adventure and exploration? In order for that to be possible however, us men and women must do our part.

As a final reminder, ladies, please tell us if you are uninterested with our forward advances, and men, if a woman prefers to be your friend, dust yourself off and respect her wishes; it happens. Although you might not have found the damsel of your dreams this particular night, maybe you met a lifelong friend through buying her a drink at the Blue Goose.That said, you miss all the shots you don’t take. Let’s not forget, a game of cat and mouse is being played at the holy trinity of taverns that make up Tri-Bar; the key word being game. In all games, there are winners and losers. If you’re a winner and you’ve found your match at a Mugz last stop, enjoy yourself and use protection if it goes that far. If you struck out and the other party isn’t down, that’s just a part of the “game”.