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Sure, a major in communications wasn’t exactly the path our parents and late grandparents wanted us to take. The workload of a communications student is not comparable to that of our pre-med counterparts, nor is “Uh, I guess I’ll eventually move out to LA and write for a show like The Big Bang Theory or something” as noble as “I’m currently taking graduate courses in physics to prepare for my Aeronautics internship at Andrews Air Force Base this summer.” Yet, we persist.
Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being a communications major. I love seeing people’s eyes light up when they find out that I’ve taken a photo with Jim Carey or helped write an acceptance speech for Tony Danza*. I am proud to have earned my spot on the Dean’s List by acing a course in “Science Fiction Screenwriting”.
While I hate to admit it, the snide remarks from my haters often make me second-guess my decision to study communications. Combing through the bowels of the internet offered me little solace in my search for inspiration. Nowhere could I find written proof that communications is truly the Lord’s work and that we, as students of this prestigious disciple, are in fact called towards a greater destiny than that of our creatively challenged peers.
Finally, after much prayer and meditation, I was given the answer I had so longer for. Using my chipped red fingertips as a medium to reach the human world, God enlightened me with passages to inspire my fellow underachievers. It is without further adieu that I present…scripture for the Fordham communication major.
For God so loved movies, that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes that Leonardo DiCaprio has been consistently denied his rightful Academy Award shall not perish but have full access to limited release film screenings with director Q and As. (John 3:16)
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—do the exact opposite so that you don’t have to work too hard for your degree. (Philippians 4:8)
I can do everything through the Viacom LinkedIn page, which gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will provide this week’s lecture film on Netflix, so that you need not gather a study group at the library. (Isaiah 41:10)
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to list an unpaid theater camp counselor job as relevant work experience in the application for a mid-level talent casting position requiring a minimum of five previous years in the entertainment industry.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
So, rams, take it from me, if you ever question your decision to take a course called “American Comedy Writing” for credit, just remember that Jesus wants this from you and religious acts are tax-deductible.
*Tony Danza, to my knowledge, is not aware that I am responsible for writing an acceptance speech on his behalf. It is of the utmost importance that this fact is not divulged beyond this site and its loyal readers.