Why Trump’s Wall is Necessary

What in the World?? | Jack Sullivan | March 14, 2016 SATIRE

  • Copied

A cornerstone of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign has been the erection of a massive wall along the US-Mexican border. It’s his main method to combat illegal immigration. Of course, he also plans to deport all 11 million undocumented immigrants living in the US back to their countries of origin. As for the wall that he believes will drastically cut back on the number of people illegally entering the US from Mexico and South American countries, American taxpayers–and their bank accounts–can sleep easy at night. Trump is so cunning and intimidating that Mexico will undoubtedly comply to his every whim and build the wall we’ve always needed. His years of business experience, some of which he learned at our very own Fordham University, will be put to the test when he forces the Mexican government to dish out the millions needed to build the concrete demarcation.

We’re assuming Trump will be compassionate enough to not demand a gold-plated wall, but then again anything is possible with the GOP frontrunner for Supreme Commander President of the United States.

At first, the idea of Trump’s wall seemed insane and otherworldly. It felt to me more like a moat or a perimeter around a king’s fortress, rather than a simple and antiquated method of keeping out intruders. But as I sat down and really pondered over the candidate’s extreme immigration policies, as most concerned voters do during election season, the whole idea of the wall grew on me. Here are some reasons why I think Trump’s wall would be a great idea.

1. Trump is a New Yorker, so be sure he’s going to take some inspiration from his hometown. Think of the wall as The Highline of the South. Feeling stressed in New Mexico or Texas? Kids driving you a bit crazy? Treat yourself to a stroll on top of the wall. Need a great spot for a first date? Go for a romantic evening walk along the border, and end the night with a sweet champagne toast.

2. For those who live on either side of the border and prefer to air dry their clothing, look at the amazing clothes line that Trump has just planted in your backyard. Simply drape your garment over the wall and retrieve it when the hot sun has baked it dry in the interminable desert heat.

3. According to Chinatravelers.com, over 10 million people visit the Great Wall of China each year. The Berlin Wall is also a huge tourist attraction. Apparently, people just really love to go see walls. Think of all the great family vacations. Not to mention every avid instagrammer can get just the most amazing pics of the sweet Mexican sun setting over the desert from that vantage point. The tourism would be absolutely great for southern states’ economies! HOW CAN WE PASS THIS UP? 

4. According to the US Customs and Border Protection, the US-Mexico Border is 1,989 miles. Now with this safe, elevated walkway, we can have so many runs, walks, skips, and/or cycles to raise money and awareness for various causes. Within months of the final block being laid (by a Mexican construction worker), the list of charities vying for a chance to host a marathon or something on top of the wall will be pages long!! Trump’s wall will save lives, people.


5. The wall opens the door (pun intended) for so many true love stories upon which million dollar grossing blockbusters can be based. A modern day Romeo and Juliet (or Pedro and Julie), if you will. A forbidden love story about two young heartthrobs, who, despite all odds, found each other through 25 feet of solid concrete. I know I’m not the only one who would buy presale midnight premiere tickets to that.

These potential results of building this physical border between two great countries are simply too tempting to pass up. Trump has one of the most unbelievable visions for our country, and his wall is just the beginning. We have to remember that his main goal is to make America great again, and building a great wall is just the first step to greatness.

The only con that I can possibly conceive is that this wall will completely eliminate easy access to a country that was based on the premise that anyone from anywhere can come here to pursue dreams and make a better life for him/her and his/her family. Other than that minor negative aspect, let’s start building!

TRUMP 2016, y’all!